Examples

You know, I've blogged quite a few times about the things people say to me about my three small kids. Things like, "You sure have your hands full!" But really, no matter how I make it seem, there are a handful of people who say these things in a polite way. I think it's all in your tone, facial expression, and the other words you add (or fail to add) to your comment.

For instance, the example I gave above can be received as quite rude if the person walks up to me, says it in a "Gee-your-life-sucks" tone of voice, and then walks away. Multiply this by ten if my kids are misbehaving at the time.

On the other hand, the kids and I were at the grocery store the other day (the same one where this happened), and an older lady said the dreaded sentence - but it was not at all rude. She also said that she had three kids just as close together - a girl and two boys - and she just wanted me to know that she is 72 years old. In other words, she knows how hard it is, but she survived!

Maybe the difference is comradery. If they've been through what they see you going through, it seems less rude to comment. I'm not quite sure. However, if I'm out without the kids, I do try to let other mothers know that I have the same problems with my kids as I see them having with their kids. They might not care at all, but I feel like empathizing with them is the right thing to do. Like I totally understand that their kids are not brats all the time. My kids are exactly the same!

Yeah, I know it probably is perceived as rude after all. But I feel like I would appreciate the degree of sisterhood that parenting small kids can provide, if I was in their shoes.

So, the next time you see someone at the store with the same amount of kids you have, crying, fighting, yelling, or peeing on themselves - tell her that your kids are just like hers. It will either make her relieved or depressed.